Today I’m proud to be in peak health and fitness, but it wasn’t always that way. I had a disordered relationship with food and exercise from a very young age. It took years of research and re-education about what foods are healthy for me to make a change. I’m determined to help others on their health journey and show that no matter how lost you feel, change is possible.
The history of my relationship with food is a very disordered one. I grew up a dancer, and like many others, I began an unhealthy obsession with making my body smaller. The only way I knew how to do that, was to restrict calories as much as possible. That's what we are told, right? Eat less. Move more.
When I broke into the health and fitness industry as a young adult, I really wanted to heal my relationship with food, so I began eating what I thought was a healthy diet. Subconsciously, I made up for the increased food with an increase in exercise. In other words, I replaced disordered eating with disordered activity. However, at the TIME, I truly thought I was pursuing a healthy lifetsyle.
In 2017, my life took a traumatic turn. I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy, that I lost just 2 weeks later. I suffered from so much anger during the months following his death, as well as debilitating anxiety when I became pregnant with my daughter London, just 6 month later. In an effort to control my anxiety (without the aid of medication while pregnant), I engrossed myself in learning about proper human nutrition.
What I found was completely the opposite of everything I thought to be true. I was desperate, so I dove right in and noticed a DRAMATIC improvement in my mental and physical health. It was noticeable to everyone around me.
I was no longer afraid of food. I was no longer ashamed of how I had treated my body in the past. I let it go, and focused my energy on LEARNING and challenging my thoughts surrounding the beliefs that I always had surrounding food. I became stronger both mentaly and physically.
If you think that your situation is so bad that you can’t change, please remember that I KNOW what it’s like to have the worst happen. I KNOW what loss looks like. I KNOW how ugly reality can be sometimes. I know what it feels like when it feels like you have SO far to go that it feels easier to just give up.
I also know what it’s like to rise from those ashes.
To acknowledge the worst and the failures without judgment meant that I could move forward, change my mindset, and begin to refocus on my goals and reach them. It wasn’t a straight line to the top, but rather learning to create daily habits that lead to the person I wanted to become.
THIS is what my mission in life is. To help others get there too..